+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: Lurker revealed

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    SE PA, zone 6b
    Posts
    217

    Lurker revealed

    Dear Friends--yes, I do consider you all my friends. I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate all the postings. There is so much information. It all goes into the brain and when I finally get to doing something, it goes out through the hands.

    I am somewhat discouraged--due to a number of factors, things just aren't progressing as I would like. I am having a hard time motivating, it seems.

    I have had extensive dental work, including several extractions. Don't recover quite as fast as I used to! I am able to be a guinea pig for a residential program at a local hospital. I don't mind, as the price is right (none), but they do take a lot longer than ordinary.

    My main job here is taking care of the 6 yo GD. I also do the weekday cooking. Fortunately, we have housecleaners come in. The GD is a cutie, smart as a whip, and keeps me hopping when she is home. I am familiar with all the first grade level books. Someone needs to write some about gardens--ala Suess!!

    We have added a room to the house. It is in the area between the old detached garage and the kitchen, and forms an extension to the kitchen. It has become the family hang-out! We still have a few finishing touches inside, but the outside is still a disaster. It has really cut down on the gardening that is possible. Some fence had to be removed, and I discovered yesterday, that it is piled over some daylilies. --SIGH--. I was able to move some of the fence. When the excavators came last fall, they picked the rainiest day possible and really tore up the yard. The landscape restorers are slow to return to repair!! In addition, we are rebuilding the driveway, and they don't seem to be in any hurry either. Needless to say, no planting is happening in the front of the place.

    Finally, the wild onions seem especially prolific this year. What a plague!! They are now about 10" high and very thick. Pulling them is futile; the only way to deal with them is to cut off the tops and hope they eventually die down. The garden we worked so hard on last fall is covered in wild onion and creeping charlie. There's no solution except to get out there on the little rolling cart and pull weeds.

    I am happy to report that the new peonies are up, the new iris look healthy, and all my daylilies are up and happy. They (the dl, all in pots) have to be planted into the new beds in the new garden. So, I have to build the little cart, locate the bucket of garden supplies (somewhere in the garage under debris), and get out there to clear the beds to plant the daylilies. How nice it will be to someday just go directly to a job without all the sidetrips and chores to do first! The older beds full of perennials are buried in creeping charlie and have to be liberated. --SIGH--

    So, after a great deal of flopping about, moaning and groaning, considering condo life, beating myself up for being so lazy, etc. I decided that I would tackle one thing at a time and just get to it. I may only start out with an hour or two at a time, but start I must. I have to focus on the fact that each year, we are a little futher along than last. I don't know when, if ever, we will get the chickens and rabbits. The new animal ID issues are causing me to think long about this.

    So, back to the object of this thread: Thank you all for your posts and encouragements. I may not say much, but I read every new post and take great pleasure from them. Keep them up. I also hang out at Tinker's and Dave's but always stop here first. Thank you.
    Sandi
    SE PA, zone 6b

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Location
    Central Indiana Zone 5a
    Posts
    4,917
    Blog Entries
    8
    Sandi,

    First of all, you are loved! Just wanted you to know that!

    Discouragement:

    I'm close, personal firend with that myself. Spring has helped, but I'm still not "myself", I think she disappeared when I lost the job last June. Interest in life is a daily strugle, things I used to get and stay excited about pass as soon as I walk away from one interest and try to take hold of another. As long as I'm right there, I'm fine, but I have tomake myself do things that were "automatic' in times past.

    I used to keep a realitively clean house, work a full time + job and do all my gardening. Now I'm doing good to get out of bed some days. The house is so patheticly in total disarray and so unkept it should be condemed by the board of health. I've promised myself many times to at least get started cleaning the place up, even now, that is what I should be doing. I just don't know where to start! Lord knows I have the time, now if He would just give me the self-motivation and energy to get to it.

    Yesterday I spent 5-6 hours digging, dividing, cleaning and packing a plant order, and just the first part of it, I have more to do next week to complete the order. My back was yelling and cursing me the whole time, but I kept plugging away until it was done and I had all the little pieces and divisions too small to sell potted up, watered and put in their temporary growing aera. Now why can't I do that with the house work? We all do things we hate doing just because they are things that should be done to keep us socially acceptable to others. Perhaps that is it. No one ever comes to see me, not that I have friends close by, they are all scattered throughout the USA! My daughter lives in the same town, but hardly ever comes by, except when she wants something or wants me to do something for her and can't get in touch with me any other way. No one sees it (the house) so why should I care? That attitude. The kitties don't care.

    I look out at my little back yard seedling bed, with potted plants waiting to go into the ground and there they sit. The borrowed garden needs to be weeded and the surviving plants attended to. But my heart just isn't there.

    The same thing goes for all the seedlings and plants in the basement, but at least they get watered, unlike my poor plants that are upstairs that have been neglected, some to death, since coming back into the house last fall.

    I do still post here and elsewhere, but not nearly as much as I used to, when I had no time to do anything. What's with that?

    The only progress I feel I've been making has been backward. Sure, I do get a step ahead in some areas, but almost always get pushed back several steps in other areas. Maybe I am trying too hard, expecting too much, not only of society but of myself as well; or perhaps it is the opposite, that I am not expecting enough?

    Somedays I even feel like walking away from it all and leaving everything behind. Kind of hard to get anywhere though when you can't put gas in the car, let alone be able to maintain it so that it is safe to drive.

    Sandi, I am very disillusioned with life in general, but yet, I can see the flickering of a light at the end of the tunnel. I've been able to get things lined up to look after my mental health (which so appearently is in need of it). That little flicker of light keeps me hangin in there and thinking that tomorrow will bring the possibilities of a new awakening for me; that my prayers will be answered and I will once again find more joy in life than sorrow and hard times.

    So, Dear Friend, if I can hang in there and keep hope and faith that things will get better withthe little that I have going for me, then surely you can with all the wonderful things you have going for you. Get on the phone and demand to know why work isn't progressing. Light some fires under these people. Sometimes progress just has to come slowly at first. But at least it IS progress.

    Don't cry for me, for there are many thousands of people, both individuals and families that are in much worse circumstances. But do pray for those who have it worse that their need may be met and that their lives can be made whole once again. Then ask the Lord to continue to watch over and guide us and send what we need to fell whole again.


    Love to All and Blessings in Abundance!

    Rebecca
    Nature is trying very hard to make us succeed, but nature does not depend on us. We are not the only experiment.
    - R. Buckminster Fuller

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Wichita,Kansas
    Posts
    3,680
    Blog Entries
    2
    Rebecca hit the nail on the head, "We are loved" !
    OK, I won't quote Corinthians, you all know how it reads but being there for other people(a grand daughter, even people on the message boards) is more important than weeds and dust on the furniture !
    Take one task at a time and be good to yourself.
    "If I keep a green bough in my heart, a singing bird will come"




  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Wichita,Kansas
    Posts
    3,680
    Blog Entries
    2
    Sandi- Have I missed your posts since this one ?!
    What are you up to these days ?
    "If I keep a green bough in my heart, a singing bird will come"




+ Reply to Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts